AN ACCESSORY

OF OUR YOUTH

written by Matney oliveira for rococo

8th Dec 2023

Photography Makiyah Garth for Rococo

There’s an accessory in our closet that only us girlfriends talk about in private, or in a cozy booth supported by liquid courage. It’s an accessory that we tend to hide in the back of our closet until we’re emotionally ready to wear it out and about. “Emotionally ready” is a term I’m using quite loosely, to be frank, it’s a justification to feel mature and sexy, because in all hell who is ever emotionally ready?

This accessory suits our outfit needs. Some love a big bag with a long strap, or a simple pointed toe sling-back for the support, another may want a 6 inch stiletto just for the looks, but sweetie, if the heel flashes red, please do not buy it. Thank me later. Also, who doesn’t love a chunky statement chain, or for the non-flashy secret type, maybe a vintage watch to control time; though, everyone sees through the excuse that it’s just a number. For me, I prefer a faux fur coat, something with good hair, dresses up any outfit, keeps me warm, and has a dash of opulence. I must correct myself though, something is really someone. It seems to me that casual dating is just an accessory to the youth.

Photography Makiyah Garth for Rococo

Cynical? Yes; but don’t tell me you haven’t thought like this once before? Casually dating in our youth is scouting out the ideal accessory to our armoire.You wouldn’t just buy a bag if it didn’t match anything in your wardrobe. Though, a Chanel bag goes with anything… So, if you find a partner like a Chanel bag, don’t let go! That’s an accessory that’ll come with a gold band, a rock bigger than Gibraltar that’s intended for the 4th finger. Until we’re ready to settle down and stop looking for “the one” in an overpriced bar, dark club, or the farmers market, we shop with a budget to find the right trendy partner.

Casual dating is the alternative to those who can’t commit or emotionally afford a statement piece. The fun of casual dating is that it’s lighthearted, no one’s racing to the vow of a hard launch at Christmas dinner. We use them when we need a date to our friend’s wedding, who, in fact, can afford to buy the whole outfit. Plus, when the sex is good everyone wins... Well, till the beads come apart, the lining is shot, and you have to donate the bag to the next girl looking for used treasure.

When we think of casual dating as the accessory it’s much easier to cut ties when the entanglement gets too messy, especially if someone got a little too committal. That’s not to discount it’s still hard to part ways with a long chain belt or the perfect high heel, but that’s the growth of youth.

Jerome

Matney

Photography Makiyah Garth for Rococo

I think we find ourselves most within these low maintenance, high action relationships. We discover our likes, our dislikes, even our own red flags. The more we meet potential suitors who only have one thing in common with us, mutual attraction, we begin to recognize our pattern, our habits, and hidden emotional baggage.

Many suitors start with good intentions, we hope, but throughout your time together there’s always this critical phase. It's when the honey-mooning is over and you start to feel this annoying ick creep in when they chew or when you realize your hygiene schedules are on opposite sides of the spectrum. Now it's time to decide if this relationship is just another trend or a staple in your capsule wardrobe. Time spent together is no longer new, you either begin to observe or you’re the one being observed. We point out the habits perpetually taken in action, the defenses in our voices rise when a seam is ripped in our ego, and the thread that covers our true self is unraveled on the floor. We’re constantly being challenged, especially in relationships. Relationship challenges tend to hurt the most because you’re trying not to shatter your illusion of perfection. You want your partner to see you for who you’re trying to present yourself to be, not who you are, at the core of comfort.

Now, we’re beginning to understand the dynamic of how we date. The sequin bag may no longer be for you, instead discovering after all, that you might just be a plain-Jane leather bag kind of gal. Or sometimes the weight of a flashy diamond earring is just too heavy, so you let them go in search of a delicate set of pearls. The intention is not to offend or degrade the partner who is an accessory. It’s just easier to understand dating in your youth once you realize that trial and error is essential in finding what you are looking for.

So, in the end, the maximalist will always be searching for another accessory to layer on, the minimalist will hunt down the perfect solo paper clip chain bracelet, and we’ll continue to do this until we find the outfit that suits our needs. A suitor who will love us despite our old tarnished accessories from the past, our cut hems that were never sewn up, patches for the holes of a broken heart, and maybe the fur coat we could never let go of.